Absence.

The fragrant flowers of your grave, the burning incense thus die,

Leaving my fears long alone, the inevitable calm creeping by,

Making promises yet again, pointing out my misery and why,

Sinking through the clear smoke, sitting awake thinking high,

Out of belief short of love, wide awake about to cry,

For once i did believe in love, for you promised wouldn't lie,

Now i sit under my quilt absolute in silence, the night hence whispers by,

And i am stuck again same place, as to get out i dearly try,

Deep down below my skin, the calling is to live by,

Dream again a better world, live again the same lie,

Turing times of pure liberation, twinkling nights thus deny,

Thus haunted by sure absence, holding sight of the last good bye.

The sleeping sign.

In these times pure grey, a silent prayer helps me be fine,

That unsung in time i had, now what is left isn't much mine,

Count then down to zero, quietly so let death align,

With this life so meagerly lived, for the better of others and then mine,

My voice fades through to the end, each breath thus decline,

A sitting duck is still afloat, all above a different incline,

Intending apart in the same, a part pure liquid a part pure brine,

Thus flow of pure innocence, poorly pouring for the divine,

Speaking a little broken this while, clearing my throat pretending fine,

For once looking unattended, few lit candles sit at the dine,

Swollen seeds of pure despair, the moon seems desperate but to shine,

Pointing at it how i wonder, watching for the sleeping sign.

The false blame.

A half lit cigarette dizzying smoke, it all starts with a shame,
A drizzle by the night less visible, a passing stone in my name,
Undetermined i may seem, the plans still part of your game,
Turning blind isn't an option, its a darn woven around my tame,

An upside down tree in the middle, withering away in the same,
In this space so subtle, living a dream without the fame,
Acknowledging the wait it roots, down deep from where it came,
Where it all began so brisk, behaving a brittle flame,

Following a trace bit puzzled, a confusion lies so lame,
What i was that i am, what then unknowingly became,
A habitude to see through smoke, and to rise with it now i aim,
Looking through these glass eyes, putting up the false blame.

What's on your mind?

A sweet little smile amidst fail, the satisfaction is blind,

A same old mistake repeated again, the same old guy behind,

Living an alternate existence, with a code well defined,

Doing what i need to do, hiding the truth well enshrined,

Blood isn't the only thing now, running through this sinister mind,

An option less chose for in time, a curse then accepted in kind,

The truth is out now in bare, too late in time to rewind,

Be the same what you saw in me, i try too hard but to find,

Bleed in the colors this night, be the peace unconfined,

Reality is the bitter part, a piece in time falling behind,

Acceptance is a mere mirage, a sleeping pill for the blind,

Running blank through the eyes, you! what's on your mind?

Pushing my buttons.

The night seems to settle without the moon, a dream ended up too rough,

I wouldn't care for a little walk now, you couldn't lead me through the tough,

A fallacy sits deep inside me now, assured of all its bluff,

Reaching out amidst the black, i can foresee striking a muff,

Shivering into a feeling of cold, i sit wondering almost buff,

Dimming lights of the night, all going out on me in a snuff,

At far end there is hope, a deeper feeling escaping the slough,

My insides speak out loud yet, the sound comes out too gruff,

In time i fore seek alike, a stranger sits alone buttoned up to his cuff,

looking down drown into sorrow, breathing hard without a chuff,

Saying a lot have i learnt in vain, I couldn't escape them but scuff,

Pushing my buttons all this time, imagine a life simple enough.

This fall.

This day i watch the skies go blue, this night shall be mine,
A sparkle of light is in my eyes, a deeper thought so divine,
Watch me turn the odds, of be spoken them shrine,
The truth i am to false, I am the odd one in line,

Until now i have seen but worse, it is time i decline,
A fate full of sorrow and misery, well knit into a twine,
I could bear all the pain, i could take it to my spine,
Spare me of my tears oh human, i can no more act fine,

I wake up to his light, i cry far loud for a sign,
For my faith is in him, i so may seem bit grine,
For those who judge but too soon, a revelation is to define,
This fall i may rise, i shall fall but to shine.

Don't fall out love.

The sun sees almost settle, just before the stars hit the sky,
As the lights go out, the dark shadows them sly,
What if them see no nights, and the days just pass by,
If so them see me smile, i promise i could lie,
 
I could see you walk away, too far i wonder why,
What wrong on my part, only but left was a cry,
Deepen the sorrow i keep, tears are what i can live by,
Dreaming i had a dream, and to live so but i try,

In my place i'd be back, looking for life i'd lie,
You may have lost the way back home, pity my feelings stand dry,
For the promises broken, for then you stood acting shy,
Don't fall out love, breathe i want to watch you die.

My heart is strong!

I watch the sun go down, out of my window pretending shy,
I put my hand against the light, give in before i try,
Its a fools game they say, less fool felt at heart yet why,
Should i stop give up, stay put and let the feeling pass by,

I wish i could rather fight, till the last moment of sigh,
I would know if i failed, but the least i'd give it a try,
The sky reduces to night, the day just past bidding goodbye,
A hope is to do better, wake up and let the remorse die,

Even if i don't know what is right, i won't regret when i cry,
I will let the tears fall, unaware ignorant i won't lie,
Too soon or too late it'd be, to speak i won't sly,
My heart is strong trust me, you promise hate so would i.

Deny.

Guess i have come too far, from the truth that i knew,
Hiding behind lies now, denying to know the true,
A little lost i may seem, a little i may want too,
Mind you life is just, mean meant for few,

I eagerly awaited each night, sat through to the morning dew,
I wasn't too sure of it then, I wasn't blind i chose to,
Now i sit unwinding the past, looking for a clue,
True i am getting old, and soon my time is due,

Now you don't trust me, well i haven't done much for you to,
I have faked all my ill, i have stepped into the wrong shoe,
It itches you to see me now, i know it does me too,
Denial can be an ugly thing, and i deny to live any further i do.

Dearth..

What happened, wasn't worth i'd know,
Shadows of dark, then covered by deep snow,
All is melt, for all but a hokum show,
A whole come of things, a lot less thought and so,

Dearth the love, dear the death if so,
The love long lost, back then that i'd crow,
Traveled both roads, both way the same low,
Ain't afraid of what to be, but to be what i owe,

Apart the agony, and the pain that you show,
A lot that you fake, and the rest that i foe,
For my love is no free, and its worth is no doe,
Its you that i hate, i hate why let it go. 

Trouble.

Shy me away thy beautiful sun, i stand underneath the bright,
Burnt off my bare feet, attending to the pain so light,
Do dare me of the lone, as i so await of the night,
To that eve i see you one last, gently avoid by my sight,

I wouldn't soon be there i am sure, for once i'd be right,
Certainly of all the failures i have met, you'd be the most polite,
For once just stand by me, stay ignorant lay quiet,
All i asked for is a dream, all i saw was but fright,

Now its time i must let go, but before i do i'd write,
I won't let these tears fall, i would know how to hide,
Slowly walk away then, let the sorrow be light,
Trouble? i won't make any, this time you take my plight.

The end.

Towards a night so blank, stars so shine but to pretend,
Twinkling lights out in the dark, a silent space I don't intend,
Its my mind out of thoughts, as the heart so learn to blend,
Its the hope I should keep, a little love i must lend,


For its what I was that I seek, in every moment I spend,
A feeling of freedom through to live, dream on I must depend,
A little confusion a lot of doubts, for what I seek I don't tend,
Life is calling but from far, as to reach I got to bend,


A winter postcard black ink, a letter of love forgot to send,
Address blank in the front, while the back read "dear friend",
"Spend this time all with me, Share my love that I lend",
"Towards a night so blank, Stars but shine to the end."

an year a friend..

to this night all blue, unlike an year past,
with my needs here all rented, the least and the last,
all upto here put right, all the wrong re-cast,
in my time of dying, all too soon too fast,

here let me hold, an year old put cast,
let me know you more, adore till i last,
i was born out of boredom, broken like a clast,
you beautiful made me smile, and stretched it like vast,

unto now you hold, all too well what we cast,
care upon you, well can't do all to last,
do me a favor, would you this last,
an year a friend.., a promise but to last!!


written by: mayankoul

Dated: 9th May 2012

Far more broken...

a writer so lost, amidst the right,

with a tear that to fall, his loss was a plight,

so stuck with the past, his eyes won't sight,

other than pictures and paintings, he drew when it was bright,

stoned and amazed, his eyes lost the light,

for what he thought he wrote, was no morning twilight,

letting himself to the dark, pretending it was night,

left out by the rest, left loose like a kite,

wrinkled gaze, brows uptight,

a thoughtful face, almost crinite,

made him think, a thought did smite,

that made him smile, and believe the rite,

far more broken, lost his might,

its time to get up, and finish the fight,

no need to scream, scratch or bite,

as GANDHI said, just be polite!!

Unknown...

i sit  silent here, a lot unknown,
opening up to the world, only part i was shown,
living life to its simple, every moment till i have grown,
i do smile i cry, possibilities now i own,

awakening awaits, ahead this night unglown,
with a thought left to ponder, a lot just by gone,
they said dreaming was easier, i dreamt and i was drown,
left awake but to worry, for tomorrow is unknown,

questing into my past, the future way blown,
holding onto what is now, right now what i  have known,
for what i am, is what i have sown,
for what i want, is still unknown,

i see clear skies now, dark winds that flown,
last night was a scare, for i heard wolves moan,
now the dark is out, out there sun shone,

all my prayers but in vain, for what i pray is unknown!



This poem is written on 2nd and 3rd of JULY 2011.
PLOT: i wrote this poem while i was sitting in a train. i saw this father-son duo very peacefully enjoying their dinner followed by the son overlooking the window into the dark where anything was barely visible. simplicity was speaking out of their characters and i got inspired to write this. thanks.

it is to rain...

i know, it is to rain,
someone's gone, i can feel the pain,
drop by drop, darkens the stain,
all i wish is to be happy, all i wish but in vain,

tapping my feet, against the grain,
looking for light, freedom come again,
i fly with no wings, only hope is to gain,
lost what was mine, now only tears remain,

going against what i will, as memories unchain,
i face deeper oceans, and skies so plain,
the beautiful letdown, the broken window pane,
all speak of what is life, the other side of insane,

stranger tides now await, and i give up my pain,
i give up to die, and live up again,
sadness be gone, let sorrow be drain,
shh...., it is to rain!!

Lost again...

among a many, unknown and plain,

a thoughtful face, with memories but slain,

the sun there almost at noon, almost cobain,

up above so high, up in the smoke with cocaine,

could be the night, the dark seems to attain,

could be the sorrow, my eyes that about to drain,

could be a lot more, a love lost in deep pain,

indeed but you left, indeed but in vain,

now the most i could wish, wish i could do it once again,

hold this time up so still, hide my tears in the rain,

in between all the joy, in between all this pain,

i don't know how i say this, guess i am lost again...